Life goes on, If you'll let it.

I started, and then I couldn’t stop.
And now I still can’t stop.
But I don’t think I even want to

I started, and then I couldn’t stop.
And now I still can’t stop.
But I don’t think I even want to

Listening to my mom talk about what happened to us makes me realize how close we really were to falling apart.

I live because I love the way the light filters through windows,

Because I love birds

Because I love sillouettes when the sun is setting

I love the ocean, the feel of salt on my skin.

I love watching movies from the 80’s

I live because music makes me feel so amazing

And art is absolutely beautiful.

Because I have have a few hopes, and sometimes I dream.

I live for my friends and how they can always make me smile.

But most of all, I try to live for you. I love you so much.

Always in pain, always.
In so many ways. The headaches are coming back, my hips are always hurting, all my joints hurt, my eyes hurt.
Not to mention all the shit my mind goes through. Always stressing over things, constantly thinking, putting myself down, making stupid choices, hurting myself emotionally.
There’s always mental strain and it’s honestly killing me. I’m falling to pieces and I Just can’t seem to pull myself together again.

I think I need to change.
I need to rethink everything. I have to let go. Hurt people, heal people. I want to be somebody you never knew. I need to save myself and this is the only way. I love breaking habits, and its time to do so.

I could be fighting harder. But guess what?
I’m fucking sick of trying so hard. Fucking hate it.

I live for you. I live to see your face. I live to see your dorky smile, to watch you be so awkward. I live for the touch of your hands, the kiss of your lips. To hold you, to talk with you, to laugh at you. At us. I live for you my darling.

I promised you I would try my hardest not to give in. I’ll try for you my love.

I will not fight for you anymore, I hope you understand that.

Not letting myself anywhere near my own room right now. I refuse to reach under all those pillows for my razors. I’m better than this. I will handle the pain, without my blade.